What is the main task of a modern dating site or app? The most logical answer is to help any individual find love. To do this, services implement a wide variety of auxiliary functions, use smart matching algorithms, and in every possible way, motivate users to interact with each other more often. How effective is it? Why are more people faced with the so-called dating burnout every year?
Today, we will try to understand the causes of such burnout, and at the same time, we will try to find a way not to face it. Therefore, if you feel that online dating has become very tiring for you and no longer provides you with that euphoria, the following information is for you!
How serious is dating burnout in today’s world?
In April 2022, analytics company Singles Reports conducted a survey of 500 people aged 18 to 54 years to find out how often users of dating services experience burnout. It turned out that about 80% experienced such burnout.
It is significant to note that this number is growing every year. In 2016, Match representatives conducted a similar survey. At the time, only 50% of respondents said they felt dating burnout. In 2021, after 5 years, the problem worsened by 30%.
But why does burnout occur among users of dating sites?
One of the main reasons is the growing dependence on dating sites by users. The problem is, the more you use the dating app/site, the more attached you become. The search for a potential partner gradually turns into a daily routine that can take several hours every day without giving any positive results.
It’s important to add one more thing here: dating services are NOT INTERESTED in you finding love quickly. It is beneficial for them that you stay on the site as long as possible, pay for premium features, and bring money to developers. It is naive to believe that some Tinder or Bumble are doing everything possible for you to meet your love tonight, go on a date, and permanently remove the application from your smartphone.
Do you need proof? Here you go! According to a recent Badoo survey, about 78% of all platform members had experience with completely incompatible partners. This implies that the algorithms of such popular dating sites regularly make mistakes. It’s definitely not worth trusting 100% of your fate to them. However, something else is important! Online dating is expensive! For example, in the UK, the average user of dating sites spends about £285 per year on dating sites. Yes, the amount is not critical, but quite significant. Especially, given the fact that money in most cases is wasted.
Expert opinion: dating burnout is the result of a mismatch between our online and offline personalities
An interesting theory is put forward by dating expert Ness Cooper. She studied at the Kinsey Institute for the Study of Human Sexuality and is currently actively engaged in this research topic. So, according to Ness Cooper, the problem of contemporaries is that they create two conflicting personalities. The first one is real. The second is virtual. Often, these personalities are very different, which is why an internal conflict is formed and intensifies over time. Attempts to somehow “combine” them lead to stress, self-doubt, and, ultimately, severe burnout.
Another common cause of dating burnout is dopamine addiction. Modern dating sites and apps are designed in such a way that it constantly gives you a dose of dopamine — the hormone of pleasure and satisfaction. Every match, every like, and every comment on a dating service provides a small dose of dopamine. Over time, you become more addicted to it, you always want more and get burnout when you don’t get what you want. More addiction means more burnout.
How to prevent dating burnout: good timing, clear goals and cam chats
Certainly, there is no magic cure for dating burnout. Nonetheless, we can give some simple tips that may help you, especially if you follow all of them without being selective.
1. Limit the time you use dating sites and apps
If you spend more than 1 hour a day on a dating site, this will lead to burnout. We highly recommend reducing this time to 20-30 minutes a day. The exception is if you already have a promising acquaintance and need to keep in touch. Also, it’s very helpful to give yourself a “day off” from dating regularly. Try not to open the dating app at least 2-3 days a week. In some cases, it is useful to turn off notifications so that they do not provoke you to go back to the application and spend another hour on it.
2. Set clear goals for using dating services
Many people cannot answer for themselves, this is why they use dating sites or applications. Not all of them want to meet their love on a dating site. Some are looking to make new friends while some do not communicate well. In principle, they do not need a relationship.
Think about it right now, what is your main goal for using a dating site or app? Believe us, this will help you prioritize more competently and further eliminate those people with whom your goals do not coincide initially.
3. Never rush into an offline meeting
One of the biggest reasons for frustration with internet dating is that it doesn’t live up to your expectations. When you meet a person on the Web for the first time, in most cases, you idealize them and do not notice their flaws, but only see the advantages. This is a trap in your brain that can eventually lead to unpleasant consequences.
Do not rush into having a first date. Try to know the person as best you can online. Don’t limit yourself to texting. Be sure to use video chat to talk face-to-face with the person, to understand who they are, and how they communicate. Also, do your best to find out if you should continue to communicate with them.
4. Try different alternative online dating formats
Most users alternate between very similar dating services. However, this does not give results — the principles of operation and algorithms for selecting a pair are almost identical on dating sites, with rare exceptions. Therefore, it is not necessary to expect that the transition, for example, from Tinder to Badoo will seriously change something.
If you want to really change the format of communication, use cam chat, a platform that connects random users via video. In fact, every conversation is a kind of video date, during which you can get to know a person much better than in texting. For those who do not know which webcam chat to choose, we can recommend several options such as LuckyCrush, CooMeet, VChat, Gaper and Bazoocam.
5. Carefully review and improve your profile on a dating site or app
Give yourself a few days off from dating sites and don’t open your profile at all. Next, look at it with a “fresh eye” and change everything that seems controversial to you. Sometimes, you have to update all the information to 100%. That’s cool!
It is naive to think that if your profile does not attract other users today, then tomorrow something will change. Change is always for the better, but you have to initiate it yourself. Don’t be afraid to change everything at once. Your profile is your calling card. It should not remain unchanged for months or years.
Finally, we want to say that no one is immune from dating burnout. The easiest advice on how to prevent it is to limit the time you spend on dating sites and apps. Remember that any repetitive actions sooner or later turn into a routine. A consistent routine is the shortest path to burnout.
If you’re starting to get tired of online dating, give yourself at least a few days off. Switch to cam-to-cam chat or stop any attempts to meet someone on the web for a while. Such a pause will allow you to rethink your approach, prioritize more wisely, and finally, figure out your real goals. Sometimes, that’s enough to start enjoying dating again and eventually meet your true love. We wish you good luck and only pleasant meetings on the Web!